You can love breastfeeding, want to keep going, and still be ready to set some boundaries around it. Both of your needs matter.
That’s where we are right now. We started night weaning our 20-month-old, and I shared the first week on Instagram. There were back rubs, early mornings, a new bed, and then the flu. Because apparently we like to do everything at once.
This wasn’t a clean, linear “success story.” We didn’t finish seven nights and suddenly have a toddler who never woke up or asked to nurse again. But we did find other ways to comfort her, and we kept showing up when she needed us.
I’m a Certified Lactation Counselor, but this is my diary as a mom in the middle of it. It’s a look at what happened in our family, rather than a seven-night plan for yours.
Night weaning didn’t mean we were done breastfeeding
Our goal was to move away from nursing overnight. I still wanted breastfeeding to be an option, especially when she was sick and needed that extra comfort.
We call breastmilk “mutz” in our house. Very official terminology from your friendly neighborhood lactation counselor. 😂 So our simple nighttime phrase became: “No more mutz at night.” We were changing how we responded to the wake-ups while still holding her, rubbing her back, and helping her get back to sleep.
Night 1: “No more mutz at night”
She woke several times that first night. Eventually, my husband brought her into our bed.
When I told her we weren’t nursing, she cried. I held her and snuggled her until she fell asleep, and she stayed in our bed with us until morning.
That was the first night. No magical trick. She was upset, and I stayed close while we worked through it together.
Nights 2 and 3: Dad took the wake-ups
She woke twice each night, and Isaiah went in and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.
She loves a back rub, so that became his go-to. And usually, it works great.
Having him take the wake-ups made a difference for us. When I went in, she wanted to nurse. With him, she accepted a different kind of comfort. My husband really was the MVP here.
Night 4: Her first night in the floor bed
We moved her from the pack and play, where she had been sleeping overnight in the playroom, to a twin mattress on the floor.
She woke once that night. Isaiah rubbed her back, and she fell asleep again.
It was another change in the middle of all of this, so I’m sharing it as part of the story. I can’t separate out what was the bed, what was night weaning, or what was simply that particular night.
See her new room and floor-bed setup on Instagram ↗
Night 5: She slept until 5:30 a.m.
She slept until 5:30 a.m., then woke with her head hanging off the top of the mattress and would not go back to sleep.
I tried nursing her to see if she would go back down. Nope. She was UP for the day.
Unfortunately, so was I.
So yes, we had a longer stretch without nursing. We also had a very early morning. Both things can be true.
Night 6: Back in our bed
She woke and ended up in our bed, but she never asked to nurse.
By this point, she had the flu. Honestly, if she had asked for mutz that night, I probably would have said yes.
I wanted to make room for what she needed while she was feeling awful, even if that meant our night-weaning plan looked different.
Night 7: I nursed her
She woke several times. My husband was able to comfort her back to sleep the first two times.
Around 4:30 a.m., I ended up nursing her. She was burning up with a fever, and I couldn’t say no.
On the carousel, I called it “caving.” But choosing to nurse my sick toddler wasn’t something I needed to feel guilty about. It was a choice I made in that moment, and I’m okay with it.
What helped during our first week
Letting Isaiah take the wake-ups
For us, having the parent who wasn’t nursing go in made it easier for her to accept another way of settling. It also meant I wasn’t carrying every overnight wake-up myself.
Finding her kind of comfort
Back rubs were her thing. For another toddler, it might be a familiar song, a hand to hold, or a sip of water. What mattered for us was finding something she would accept while someone stayed with her.
Keeping our words simple
“No more mutz at night” gave us a phrase we could repeat. It didn’t mean she liked the boundary immediately, but we had a simple way to explain what was changing.
Leaving room to change the plan
A new bed, an early wake-up, and sickness all became part of our first week. Nursing on a difficult night didn’t erase the nights when she accepted a back rub or fell asleep in our arms.
After seven nights, we were still figuring it out
We were still working toward full nights without nursing. When she woke, we held her, rubbed her back, or made room for her beside us. Once, or twice if you count 5:30 a.m. as overnight, we nursed.
And that’s okay.
For our family, night weaning hasn’t meant leaving her to cry alone. We can set a boundary around nursing and still offer comfort. We can also decide that a sick night calls for something different.
We’re heading into sick season and apparently starting off with a bang. I still want breastfeeding to be an option when she’s sick and needs that extra comfort. Some nights, I may choose to nurse her.
We’ll keep working toward night weaning while making room for what’s needed along the way. I don’t need every night to look the same for this to be progress.
If you’re in this stage too, you’re welcome to follow along. Are you night weaning, thinking about it, or happily keeping your overnight feeds for now?